I’m going to be stealing @bellegirl ’s style a bit here and write my own small confession. It’s been a while since I’ve had a chance to write down a few personal thoughts, but now with the denial challenge done, I feel like I have ownership of my blog again. Strange, I know, but I felt like I lost control of my own blog for a bit.
For the confession itself, I wanted to admit how often I’ve been thinking of cumming on my own recently. I honestly think that I haven’t had a chance for a solo session ever since October of last year. Back when we started playing with chastity and orgasm denial, Lara took over ownership of my orgasms.
I used to wait until Lara would go to sleep and sneak away for a midnight ninja wank on my own. It wasn’t particularly fun nor intense in any way, but as soon as I felt the need for orgasm, I’d take care of it on my own. I knew that it might cause me to lose interest for a day or two, and even quench my appetite for proper sex but I was greedy. Greedy for that quick and easy orgasm.
Now, I find myself again toying with the idea of sneaking off in the night. Not because of a lack of sex, but rather, impatience. Work schedule is a bit off lately so we don’t have proper time during the week, and the weekends feel so far. I know that if I could wait until the weekend, it would be so much better, but I’m greedy for a quick fix!
An orgasm is no longer a guarantee anymore, and sometimes I feel challenged by the thought of not being in control of my own release. I could easily sneak off to take matters into my own hands…but would it really be worth it?
That quick, almost certainly disappointing orgasm still pales in comparison to how good it feels to be teased and denied. Even though my body is pushing me to go for it, I know that I will still be much happier to deny myself that pleasure and let Lara decide.
Outside of any punishments or disappointment she may feel toward me, I’m really surprised by my own desire to surrender control to Lara. For the first time ever, I feel like I really am fighting my own natural impulses for the promise of further denial. I want to cum, but I feel deep inside myself a burning desire to be denied and tortured, more and more!
My first confession is that I think I’m going crazy 😛
Love this, thanks Will! I’m sure lots of the guys feel the same! J xxx
