My husband just got caged last night. I am over 40 years old and pretty much a prude! I have never been the aggressor so I am freaking out! I want to please him but how do I start out so I can ease myself into this roll? Any suggestions would be great. Thank you!!

Hi there, and thanks so much for the brave message! I promise you though, this is nothing to freak out about. It can actually be really amazing and has totally reinvigorated our sex life and the intimacy in our marriage. 

Yes, on the face of it it seems really weird, but like anything you will get used to the idea soon, and most of all you’ll start to see the positive changes it makes in him if you at least tolerate it for now.

And I think that has to be your aim at the moment, just tolerating it and doing some research is an absolutely achieveable goal. There’s nothing particularly you have to do right now apart from honestly talking to him and saying, ‘Look this freaks me out right now but I love you and am willing to see where this goes.’

You do NOT have to become some fantasy dominatrix, not tonight, not at all to be honest. What you need to see that cock cage as right now is your husband wanting to give up a bit of control and also the reality that he’s got a very active fantasy life that’s led him to this place. If you can simply, non judgementally talk to him about it, ask him how he discovered all this, what led him into it, just listen at first.

Let me say right now too there are lots of in our opinion unhealthy kinks that surround this, whether that’s pushing you into a role of ‘Female Led Relationship’ which you don’t want or other things that involve feminisation and even other people. These are fantasies, he may be into them, he may not, but ALL they are right now is fantasies and if there’s ANYTHING you’re uncomfortable with then all you have to say is ‘I’m not interested in that for now’ again, really work hard to not judge as they do often need our help to sort out what’s okay and what isn’t in all this, don’t let any of that worry you.

On the positive side though, I hope you like receiving oral sex because if you’re willing (and omg you really should be it’s amazing) then you are about to get a LOT of it. Seriously, more than you can imagine if you want it.

If he’s no good at this then point him to this wonderful guide on how to do it:

The trick right now is just to let it normalise a bit, don’t worry about doing too much apart from talking, but also don’t ignore it. Just tell him it’s okay and you’re doing your research.

The next steps are to learn a bit more about it – this blog is a bit random but have a look through the posts I’ve tagged with ‘advice’:

Also when I remember I tag some of the captions (which guys LOVE) with ‘safe’ when they don’t have anything too freaky in them – so that’s worth a browse too.

Please please feel free to contact me for advice, you can email me at if you want to – always happy to help out other wives/gfs, or message again on here like you did if you feel happy with that.

I hope that helps!

Jane xxx

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