Well, there’s definitely a bit of effort required from us even when we’re not interested. But it’s pretty simple. With just a few comments we can turn the situation into a positive!
The main point is you have to make it feel deliberate, not neglectful. Even if you’re like us and the focus is on the tease and denial, there is power exchange going on that excites him. For many it goes further and they love the idea of you taking the lead – and it has to be not just when THEY fancy it, but when YOU want it – this is something they will need to learn.
So, now to make it feel deliberate…
Firstly, if they are not locked up in their cages, DO THAT! It transforms not having sex into something sexy! This is truly brilliant and one of my favourite things about all this. For the first time in my life saying ‘Not tonight’ is a turn on for him!
You can say things like, ‘I’m not horny today honey, so we’ll just leave your cock locked up nice and tight until I am.’
‘You asked for this, if you want it to stop just say the word, but I prefer you caged now.’
‘It turns me on to just leave you locked up, so stop complaining’
‘I’m on my period, I don’t see why you should be able to get off when I don’t want to. You’re staying caged so you’ll be all horny for me when I want you’.
Additionally, adding tasks to make it WORSE actually can help.
- Make them post (or set up) a secret Tumblr and post images to it that make their cock ache
- Tell them to find some porn that YOU might enjoy, to see if it’ll make you horny (it doesn’t matter if it doesn’t, it makes them have to watch porn unable to get to their cocks, lol).
- Give them tasks you want doing around the house
- Getting them to give you non-sexual attention such as running baths, massages and foot rubs
There is absolutely a period of adjustment, though, sometimes they need to go through the cranky phase, be open about this, ‘I know it’s frustrating now but supposedly keeping you caged will make you a better husband (partner etc) if I keep you in there long enough, so we’ll just have to work through it’.
It may be you make this even more explicit – ‘It was your idea to lock your cock up, and you told me not to let you out unless I want to. Your behaviour today really doesn’t make me want to. Let’s see if you do better tomorrow.’
So let me just repeat, in this kind of scenario being a bit mean makes it BETTER because it’s hot, but just ignoring them makes it worse.
And I’ll add, you can ONLY do this with confidence if you’ve got safewords in place for them to truly express they want to come out. So make sure you do!
Worst case scenario, get them out for ten minutes, give them an edge and put them back. That’s the attention they really want…