managing blueballs?

Hi Jane, firstly thanks so much for doing his blog! it means a lot that it has been produced without the typical extreme stuff associated with other tumblr chastity blogs. In addition, your female perspective significantly helps us men to encourage our wives/SOs to get involved. Thank you!

So, my very vanilla wife is slowly opening up to my love of chastity, and although she doesn’t want to lock me up long-term, she’s seen the benefits of denying me. Yesterday, whilst I was warming her up, we had a great time, and she teased me with the idea that I might or might not be able to come later today, or maybe tomorrow. This sounded great, and I wanted to encourage it… we continued with the rest of our day (grocery shopping/house-work etc), but I was really struggling with bluebells, and ultimately had to ask to be able to get a release and ease the pain. This felt like I had failed… I wanted to wait, but the aching was too much. would you have any advice for how i could have overcome this better? I don’t want to miss these rare occasions when I’m making great progress down the chastity/T&D road with my wife. Thanks a lot!

Hi there, thanks for the compliments!

In terms of blueballs I didn’t really believe it was such a big thing until hubby made it VERY clear it could be very sore. At first I was very keen to fix it, and if you are then a ruined orgasm is a great way to do it.

Now I find I kind of enjoy being a bit meaner – as hubby likes to complain about stuff like this, and frankly, we have period cramps every month and we live with it! Soooo, while he could still safeword to stop everything of course, if he complains about blueballs my standard response now is… ‘good!’ lol I kind of like them aching, even hurting. And he tells me, when I reply like that, it’s so hot me being mean that he starts enjoying it too! Cool huh!

If it gets really bad then a ruin is a good idea, but I like to make it a bit meaner – so my current favourite is he has to try and cum into his own mouth! This involves him putting his legs up on the bed and then leaning them back over so his cock is near his mouth. It’s as complicated as it sounds, but quite fun. I found a relevant picture – 

A simpler version without the acrobatics is to cum into a shot glass and swallow it.

I didn’t much like that idea at first but after I realised I’d been expected to swallow his cum for YEARS I’ve felt much better about him getting the same treatment now!

A final thing on blue balls is in theory men just pee the excess ejaculate out, so it might be worth just seeing what difference a day or two makes – it’s not like it’s a medical emergency… 

If men had periods –

So happy to have found your blog~ first of all, thank you for all the work and care you’ve put into it. Question: will plastic one-time numbered locks work on metal cages (is there a brand of plasitc locks where the numbers don’t wash off?) i do long distance chastity, and for reasons of safety, am nervous about mailing the only keys. Alternatively, have you ever used, or might be able to recommend lock-boxes with timers on them? Many Thanks!

Hi, thanks for the question. Yes they’ll work on most cages, apart from the newest ones (which are actually our favourite) that have the drum type lock built in. But any that take padlocks will work with a plastic tab thing. I think that the numbers are embossed into them so can’t wash off, but can’t be sure. We got some free with early cages we bought but have only ever used them for going through airport security.

For lockboxes a friend of ours used a ‘kitchen lock box timer’ from Amazon, seemed to work well. I think they’re designed for putting snacks in when you don’t have enough self control not to eat them, so, similar use really 😛

Hi Jane, love the blog, but wanted your advice. Last year my husband and I had such fun with Locktober but this year he’s been very busy with work and it just hasn’t happened to my disappointment. I feel a bit down about it, which is such a contrast to before. What do you think I should do? T xx

Hi T, thanks for the message.

Look, I don’t want to be rude, but this isn’t brain science (or maybe it is, it works so well!). You have everything you need to fix this. It’d be lovely if it all came from him and none of it fell on us, but honestly, when has that ever happened, not with my hubby to be sure! Is it fair, nope, but it only takes one simple thing to fix it so be a big girl and take the step.


It’s as simple as that. If you are both into this, that will fix everything. His libido will explode, and stay that way. 

Like I say again and again, if we had a pill that did this we’d be force feeding it to our husbands or slipping it in their dinner without a thought!


And make it fun, if I were you. I’d act all sexy (this is literally what I’ve done a few times now actually, I get the same thing), ‘come to bed early tonight darling’ kind of thing. Post some really hot stuff to your shared tumblr, get him all excited. Then, tie him up. Give him a blow job and handjob that he TOTALLY doesn’t deserve. Because you know,  you’re actually being mean, and it’s so much fun to turn your annoyance into meanness, for you both.

And when he’s right on the edge, begging to cum (be VERY VERY CAREFUL not to tip him over by accident with this game). You say, ‘It’s a shame I had to initiate this, darling, if you had, I’d have made you cum so hard right now…’ and you reach over to the cock cage you have waiting, and leave his cock throbbing in the air while you explain just how it’s going to be.

And how it should be, I’d suggest, is caged without release for at least three days. And after that, he does NOT get out of his cage unless you’re feeling like it, it’s for him to make sure you’re in the right mood, not just by rubbing or licking you, but by the stuff that really makes us feel sexy, being appreciated, having jobs done around the house, surprising us with gifts or dinner. 

He has literally given you the key to make him behave like this. SO USE IT!

Once you’ve explained this send him down between your legs to show you how sorry he is, and start flicking through all my Locktober tasks to pick the ones YOU fancy doing.

I promise, in a couple of days, or more likely just an hour of being licked to as many orgasms as you can handle, you’ll be thinking to yourself, ‘Why am I so stupid and forget how well this works for us both?!’

But that’s okay, I’m here to remind you! And yes, I have to remind myself of this too, that’s okay. But we really need to be better at just loving this amazing thing we’ve discovered and not be silly enough to forget how well it works!

Let us know how you get on!

Jane xxx

Hi Jane, both my newly caged man and I are big fans. I just wanted to ask if you had any tips about facesitting? Peace, Daisy

Hi Daisy! Well for us the main issue is me being confident up there. Unlike lots of the pictures on Tumblr I’m not a skinny 20 something any more. So the biggest tip was getting hubby blindfolded! It might seem a bit extreme but it completely negates any worries about it, and combined with a cute outfit makes me feel so much more confident.

Assuming you’re happy being up there, the next is positioning, where does everything go?!

The traditional way is this:

And that’s really great, puts you very in control and also, you can lean forward and play with his cock, caged or not. And go down and suck on him too if you fancy it. Also, if you fancy it, you can shuffle forward a bit and have him lick your bottom too, which is really hot, but only when I’m super aroused.

The other main position is facing the other way:

Which is good too but you only have his hair to play with so, I prefer it the first direction.

If the kneeling thing is tricky you can also try it standing:

Another tip would be really trim or shave your pubes before you do it. It makes it much nicer for him and feels much better in my experience.

As for technique, I love to have edged him so he’s already super horny and then just try to keep him there as he pleasures me, just with little strokes and sucks to encourage him. The closer I get the more I get into it, so will start grinding on his face a bit and even pushing my bum against him for him to lick there. I like to combine that with cumming so grab a vibe at the same time. It’s insanely intimate and kinky.

Hopefully some of that is useful!

J xxx

Thanks to for the pics

Thanks for the inpsirational blog! What do you recommend or prefer about shaving for him?

You’re very welcome. Well, it’s a mix. I always want his balls and below shaved as they feel SO much nicer when they are, and I play with them a lot more now he’s caged up.

I like his pubes above at least trimmed shortish. We tried shaving a while back and he got really itchy so we didn’t do it again for a while, but we did it again earlier this year and when he did it a few times it got much better, so at the moment he’s completely shaved there and I do like it, just really emphasises the cage and his cock even more which is hot.

I’m trying to get my husband in a cage that has a solid ring not the kind that hinges. I can seem to get his Ball’s through it and his cook as well. Help 911

So, play with his balls a bit, a bit of gentle pulling to loosen them up. His balls go through first, one at a time, then his cock is pushed through (has to be soft, obviously, if he gets hard just wait a bit).

Solid rings are much better as there’s less to be pinched with. His cock is super flexible so just have some fun squeezing it through and add some lube if you need to on the way (and definitely afterwards).

My wife isn’t as into chastity play as I am. Any idea how to build her interest more and have her enjoy it as much as me?

Get really good at oral sex!

And make sure you are going down on her, A LOT, and tie that into how horny being caged makes you.

Also when you’re down there, get her reading stuff like my blog so she sees how fun it can be and associates the amazing feelings you give her with it!

Hi Jane, love the blog, thanx so much! We got into chastity play a couple of yers ago and it’s mostly been great but things haven’t happened the last couple of months and I wondered what you’d advise? I’ve suggested caging him back up but he’s not seemed too botthered? Thanks in advance, Sam.

Hi Sam – you’re very welcome and don’t worry we all go through ups and downs. It was a few years ‘down’ after we had kids that led us to even exploring stuff like this.

So chastity is a bit like magic, even if they aren’t feeling in the mood, just doing it makes them start to feel horny and of course being caged makes it just increase and increase.

We’ve had the same thing a few times and even though I forget my own advice the answer is simple. Just do it. Cage him up. Don’t ask. Watch how hard and excited they get when you just pull it out and tell them it’s happening. Their cocks betray them and that’s so hot and you absolutely have to make fun of it!

But I’m getting ahead of myself. So first, just get them to bed on time, ‘come to bed I have plans’ will usually do. if you’re anything like us he’ll have been staying up late and just got into a bad habit, so it just needs a little intervention.

Ideally you want to tie him up, makes it all so much hotter and easier. But ‘just sit on your hands and if they come out I’m stopping’ will do at a pinch. Get him hard, lubed up, lots of stroking, get him close, warm him if he cums it’ll be ruined, try hard not to let him go over.

Then a bit of an interrogation. It’s always so hot. Ask him things like why you haven’t done this more, how good it feels, what it makes him want to do to you.

Then, well the reality is that if you haven’t been having sex or edging, he’s been wanking himself. That’s just how it is. It’s not anything to get upset about, however it is something to have fun with… Get him to tell you how many times, where, and how if you’re interested. 

Then announce the punishment… ‘Well I was going to let you cum but obviously I’m not now’.

Depending how you’re feeling, you can offer him a choice or just do what you want. ‘So, do you want to just be locked up for X days (one for each orgasm he stole could be good) or you can halve your sentence if I ruin you and post orgasm torture you first?’

It’s hot to ask, and then do what you want anyway… in fact that’s probably the most fun.

When ruining them etc make sure you say stuff like ‘This cock belongs to me, is that clear? You do not get to cum without permission, or you’ll just have to be caged up all the time’

If you possibly can, do the locking up yourself before they are untied, it’s just much sexier and more dominant.

Use their cum to lube the cage back on, that’s hot too, and leaves them messy and sticky caged up, while you get eaten out and start realising how silly you were not to keep him locked up in the first place 😛 Make sure you get them to go down on you. I find as SOON as they go down I realise how silly I’ve been not getting them locked up again sooner, and it makes me feel so much more excited about it all.

If you’re also not feeling that sexy, maybe get him to just edge you too, but of course you can save that and just cum lots!

I hope that works for you, let us know how you get on!

Jane xxx

If hubby’s cock isn’t big enough to make you cum like this, don’t despair.

Get yourself a strap on – not for you, for HIM. 

Amazingly it’s just on sale for just $20 if you are in the US.

Then, well the dildo it comes with is just for starters. You can keep increasing the size until you find one that just hits the spot. This is our favourite:

The King Cock Girthy – just mind blowing. It fits in the harness from the top image. Don’t buy this harness, it doesn’t work with cock cages (due to the single strap underneath). And we want it to work with his cock caged underneath…

And that’s because, size ISN’T everything. As you can see in the video. Look at the stamina, the strength, the passion.

Your guy not up to that yet? That’s okay. That’s why we have a cock cage to squeeze him into… That is where the motivation comes from.

He stays in the cage till he gets fit and skilled enough to make you cum, the way she does.

Strap-ons from Lovehoney – giving you what you deserve!