Let’s get real! (Part 1/3)

willfullydenied:

“I hope your cage is nice and snug, because you’ll be spending the next six months in there!” We all know the stories. Tales and captions of mega-dominatrix women locking their men in chastity for weeks, months and days on end. For some, it may be true. As kinks progress, we find ourselves wanting more and pushing our boundaries. For most of us mortals, however, they’re (mostly male) fantasies we love to get lost in.

When Lara and I first started playing with chastity, I couldn’t help but think of those stories. Being left denied for weeks at a time, with no end in sight sounded like a dream come true. We started with a few hours, usually on the weekend. Eventually, I asked to be left caged overnight. Our sex life drastically escalated from a couple of times a month to several times a week, if not daily. Each chance I got, I begged for her to deny me longer and harder, always asking her to be “mean” to me.

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Each week I wanted to try something new – ruined orgasms, longer denial, post orgasm torture, even our first attempt at pegging. Within the first few months, we ploughed through my massive “to-do” list, spurred on by an endless stream of Tumblr posts. At our peak, I went almost an entire month without orgasm. During that time, the longest lock-up period was a week, using a kitchen safe. During all this time however, it was all “me, me ,me!” Although the spirit of chastity, tease and denial lends itself to the woman being in charge, it’s often the male “sub” who introduces the idea and pushes for it.

What many men don’t realize about the popular depiction of femdom is that it’s still all very male-centric. No matter how you spin it, whether it’s pleasure or pain, it’s all being inflicted on a (usually) faceless man by a “cold, dominating bitch.” When we try to bring in these elements into a normal relationship, there’s very little for our loving female partners to find appealing. Often, they simply do it to indulge us. However, there is a very bright light at the end of the tunnel! What I advise does not apply to everyone. It definitely doesn’t follow the typical femdom fantasy roles, but it’s what Lara and I have found works best for us.

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Enjoy yourself! Any strong relationship depends on keeping both yourself and your partner happy. Instead of playing the role of helpless sub and expecting your partner to be a strict unrelenting force of nature, just be true to your desires. If you enjoy being denied, smile and thank your lover when she says “not today.” You’re climbing up the walls desperate to cum? Don’t beg for release, but instead thank them for teasing you thus far.

It’s very confusing for your partner to understand that “no” means “more, please!” Unless you are both very seasoned kinksters, it’s very hard at the beginning to understand that your partner wants to push their boundaries further when all their reactions are negative. Pleading for mercy, asking to be unlocked from chastity or begging to cum (only to be denied) are all part of our fantasy scenarios, but it can all be very confusing in the heat of the moment! As you gain more experience, this may change and you’ll find that you can play the roles you want. However, at the beginning, it’s very important that you communicate clearly what you really want.

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Full set of posts:

https://willfullydenied.tumblr.com/post/163882231610/lets-get-real-part-13
https://willfullydenied.tumblr.com/post/163882244600/lets-get-real-part-23
https://willfullydenied.tumblr.com/post/163882245980/lets-get-real-part-33

Let’s get real (Part 2/3)

willfullydenied:

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To be fair, Tumblr and porn in general is very visual. A giant strapon, a chastity cage with a timer set for weeks, cum and fluids flying everywhere – these all are visceral images, easy to portray with a picture or a few words. Content is catered to the audience. If the paying audience is mostly male, things will be exaggerated and portrayed from the man’s point of view. Even our understanding of what women want sexually comes from a male bias. Guys like getting their junk squeezed and tugged fast till they blow their load all over the place. Why should girls be any different?

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As far as porn lets on, women enjoy only two things: either hard, fast penetration or a tongue rapidly flicking at them, most likely with one or two fingers shoved deep inside their holes. Femdom porn only makes matter worse by reducing the list even further. All women, without a doubt, are completely satisfied by oral sex once they lock up their husband/boyfriend/male pet into chastity. Massages are turned into punishment, kissing is off-limits and even orgasms themselves are set strict rules, “Make me cum seven times in one hour or it gets the hose again!” For all the talk of femdom being for the sake of the women, there’s barely any hint of them ever being actually satisfied.

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Now I don’t claim to be anywhere near an expert in pleasuring a woman. After all, I’ve had my own equipment my entire life – I’m much more qualified on how to pleasure myself. However, I believe that a couple exploring chastity, tease, denial or femdom needs to take a step back. We can all agree that being teased and denied feels good. Whether it’s with or without a cage, prolonging that final release of dopamine seems to instead turn you into a horny mess. It works the same with women! There’s many blogs out there already about female orgasm denial because there’s one universal truth. The journey is often better than the destination itself. Even if your partner doesn’t necessarily want to be denied, everyone loves a good rub-down or prolonged foreplay session.

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Lara doesn’t prefer oral sex. Not for a lack of me trying, mind you, but it’s just not her jam. Several times we’ve tried to play out the fantasy of me being left locked in chastity, only allowed to use my tongue to pleasure her. Try as I might, however, no tongue or toy can satisfy the need she has for a proper, real cock. Instead of trying to force our sex life to fit what most femdom porn shows, we’ve instead found a happy middle ground. For times when we do have me locked in chastity, she will unlock me, use my cock, then lock me back up without release. By that point, I am more than ready to explode with sexual desire, which again we tailor to her needs-

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She loves a rough fucking. Recently, she’s upped the ante even further. Since I enjoy being denied so much, there’s no more need for us to use condoms. We use pills for further birth control, but having to worry about cleaning up afterwards was always an issue. With a condom, she was much more willing to allow me to cum at the end, but now we’ve removed that option. For me to be allowed release, she now has to make the conscious choice to have me put on a condom once she’s done. After I’ve already fucked her properly and she’s had her fun, it’s very easy for her to give me a smile and say, “not today.”

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Full set of posts:

https://willfullydenied.tumblr.com/post/163882231610/lets-get-real-part-13
https://willfullydenied.tumblr.com/post/163882244600/lets-get-real-part-23
https://willfullydenied.tumblr.com/post/163882245980/lets-get-real-part-33

Let’s get real! (Part 3/3)

willfullydenied:

Every relationship has its own dynamics, and no advice is ever universal. Lara and I are both switchy. What works for us, may not work for others, but I still hope that our advice can help out other couples. We keep our kinky play light hearted. Even if earlier in the day she might be ruining my orgasms or slapping my junk around, we still make sure that we end the night cuddling up together, laughing at the latest episode of our favourite cartoons and shows. The most important advice we have is to always communicate with each other. Make sure you’re clear about what you want, what you enjoy and what you dislike.

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Things don’t always go according to plan. Sometimes we might plan to do a tease and denial session during the weekend, or plan have me locked up for the week and life/stress/etc comes up. You need to make a decision when the seas get rough. Sometimes, it may be best to put your kink play off to the side, and focus on any problems you may have. Other times, it’s better to weather the storm – remain denied or locked in chastity, agreeing to prolong the session. It all comes down to what’s important to you. If your partner isn’t in the mood for kink play, you have two options:

1. Agree to stop playing for now until a later time. This means no more chastity cage, no more denial, but you are free to do as you wish. Masturbate on your own, watch porn, etc. You’re able to “take matters into your own hands” and allow your partner rest. This may not exactly fit your long-term goals or your fantasies, but it’s sometimes the best option to take.

2. Agree to continue kink play, BUT – and this is the important part – do NOT ask anything from your partner until they’re done. This option is much harder to practice, but it does fit the bill for long-term play. In this case, you agree to not make a peep about how denied or horny you are. This can get very hard, since the longer you go denied, the hornier you get. If long term goals are important to you, there will come a time where you might have to wait patiently. It will take a lot of self control to prevent yourself from pestering your partner or seeking your own release, but for some of us – it’s worth the wait.

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Tease and denial can get tiring, especially for the dominant in charge. There’s a lot of upkeep involved in teasing your partner for days on end. Agreeing to go for weeks or even months at a time is MUCH more demanding for the dominant – the teasee just has to sit back and enjoy the pleasure & pain. Meanwhile, the teaser has to constantly flirt, touch, grab and otherwise pay attention to the needs of their “pet.” For as demanding we may want to believe denial or chastity may be to those of us on the receiving end, we need to give more credit to those indulging us.

As an alternative, there are ways to relieve some of the effort from the teaser. One task Lara and I have come to enjoy are setting me up to play “Cock Hero.” These are porn video compilations set to music, usually with several levels of difficulty. She picks the video out for me while I do the work. I can stroke and edge as much as I like, all while playing along as if it’s all her idea. Meanwhile, all she might have to do is walk by once in a while, give me a few strokes and be off on her way. This relieves her of the work involved in keeping me teased, while remaining fun and challenging for myself! I end up all teased and horny while she has a fun show to watch.

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In the end, tease and denial is one of many fetishes/kinks that a couple can enjoy together. There’s no reason to beat around the bush – the person getting denied enjoys it, otherwise they would never agree (or, in most cases, suggest) to be teased for days on end. Communication is key in learning what each person is getting out of it. Why does denial feel good? How long should it last? What does the teaser get out of it – their lover’s moans? Fulfilling fantasies or maybe they have their own hint of sadism they can explore? Whatever it may be, whether it’s tease and denial or any other kink, communication is key. Once we all admit that we’re just trying to reach a new high or make our partners feel fucking amazing, we can move on to answering these other questions together.

Keep an open mind and communicate clearly with your lovers. You’ll be guaranteed winners by the end!

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Full set of posts:

https://willfullydenied.tumblr.com/post/163882231610/lets-get-real-part-13
https://willfullydenied.tumblr.com/post/163882244600/lets-get-real-part-23
https://willfullydenied.tumblr.com/post/163882245980/lets-get-real-part-33

Great series by Will xxx