Your blog is awesome. My wife and I do this in cycles for a few months off and on. Anyway, this really isn’t a chastity question per se, but it is something you have talked about. I like going down on my wife in general, and love it when in chastity. She is ambivalent. We do it from time to time. She says she likes it but I always have to ask. I don’t like to ask … Topping from the bottom and I just don’t like to. Do you have any suggestions? We just started a new cycle. We were in bed, she put a leg over mine and I started rubbing her feet. I asked her if she wanted to do chastity again and she didn’t hesitate to say yes. I told her I needed to go down on her more often and she is ok with it. So should I ask / beg … Should I just treat it like it is a matter of fact … “time for … ” also, my wife insists on being fresh out of a shower which puts a dent on any spontaneous situations. I understand that is not uncommon, but most of the people here have countless stories of spontaneity and on demand stuff so most of the people here are ok with less-than-post-shower conditions ;). Can I get some feedback on your stance on this
My initial idea get me going down and introducing some kink is for us to have regular sex, then I go down on her without cuming. On the general head topic, It should make for a smoother start with her warmed up. On the loosening up topic, I hope she gets more into it and the spontaneity and less-than-post-shower conditions will be ok. Then hopefully ask for it or look forward to it.
Once I graduate through that, step 3 would be me returning to sex but wearing a strap on for get now that she would be very warmed up
Well I traversed a bunch there. Any advice or thoughts are greatly appreciated
Thank you for all of your contributions!
Okay, firstly thank you so much, I’m so glad to help!
So the primary question here is how I can get my wife to let me go down on her more. You’d think it was a pretty easy one to answer but honestly I sympathise with her. I think there are two main issues, one is a self-conciousness about being THAT intimate, and the other is our natural desire to reciprocate which makes us uncomfortable when you’re doing all the work.
I also want to shower just before I know he’s going to do it. I might let him do it at lunchtime if I showered that morning,but that’s about it. We almost always shower before sex anyway so… yeah. Maybe the ideas below will make her more open to it but the only really spontaneous oral we’ve got into is lunch time oral sex as part of him being caged. But then I’ve been giving him lunch time blow jobs for years…
A few things help with both of those issues. Firstly, while we were gently cuddling and playing, my husband told me that he loves going down on me, that it makes him really horny, that he loves how I smell down there, that he loves how I taste and then little details about how much the noises I make turn him on, and how I grab his hair or push him into me.
Tell her this while you’re playing with her, and then go and bring her to orgasm with your mouth, and then, do it again. Honestly, nothing else compares to this, giving her orgasm after orgasm with your mouth, the more you do it the more she will want it.
Another time do the same but explain, when you are caged, how sexy it is for HER to initiate it, by asking you to do down, and even sexier to tell you to. Just have fun playing with it, practise her saying, ‘Go and make me cum with your mouth as a cute little game’.
Don’t make her do this all the time though, just do it sometimes spontaneously, do it after kissing and rubbing her, do it in the midst of sex, just strongly, don’t warn her, just slide out and slide down and get her to the edge with your mouth and then fuck her and alternate till she cums. Try to just make it a fun part.
I would suggest you try cuddling, telling her how sexy she is, get in her head first, use your fingers, then go down on her and make her cum and THEN have intercourse. If she’s like me she’ll love having sex after you’ve made her cum that first time. Hottest is for you to then cum and offer to make her cum one more time, and yes, show her the benefits of you cleaning her up while you’re down there… she might just appreciate it (she might not be able to handle it though… lol).
Two things for her confidence, firstly is sexy night clothes or lingerie, particularly that cover her tummy if she’d concious of that. Secondly I went for a brazillian wax (ouch but so worth it to see the look on his face when he found out) (brazillian leaves some pubes but waxes you from clit to bottom, Hollywood takes ALL the hair everywhere down there). But actually having that waxing made me feel sexy and wanted it more.
Get her reading some erotica while you eat her out. Her relaxing and just getting used to the idea you will spend a LONG time down there is a new mindset and really fun when we adjust to the idea that YOU love doing it too.
Try 69ing so she can SEE the effect of eating you out. With your cock out, or it caged. You go underneath, she straddles your face (I often get him to wear a blindfold if I’m not feeling comfortable. Then she can play with your cock with lubed hands or lean down and suck you as you lick her.
We also tried a game, where he went down on me and his challenge was to get me to the edge of cumming and keep me there for as long as he could. He would ONLY make me cum when I TOLD him to, not asked, but told him, grabbed his head, pushed it into me and said, ‘Make me cum now’. Oh my god that was so sexy and SO empowering. I’ve felt different about it since then.
We did it again one time and he told me he’d only tell me what I had to do to cum when I got to the edge. To my astonishment when I got there he said I had to tell him to lick my arsehole. and he just kept me on the edge until I did, and he turned me over, and oh my god it was so sexy and felt so good and his fingers made me cum while he licked my bumhole. Again, that we did THAT made him licking my clit seem ‘ordinary’ and I was much more comfortable with oral from then on (my husband is a very clever man).
Again finally, what was brilliant for us is getting a private shared tumblr blog and posting things we both like to it, things we find romantic, and sexy or just turn us on. If she’s knew to tumblr you will have to find some that don’t freak her out though, there’s way too many ‘OH GOD MY EYES’ things here if you’re not used to it, trust me.
Hope that helps!